The Adventures of POZboySG

My HIV Journey as a Malaysian Boy (featuring @milopozo)

Sun, 19 May 2013 16:58:07 +0800

Hello everyone, I’m back with another story for the It Gets Better Project! After being very involved in the previous General Elections of Malaysia, I have come to realise that since, Malaysia, our former sibling, shares a similar culture & patois (even family, for some of us) with us Singaporeans, we can easily relate to their trials & tribulations.

I’ve decided to also help tell the stories of Malaysians who are living with HIV, whether they work/study in Singapore or are back in Malaysia. So I’ve extended the invitation to let Malaysians living with HIV to email me their experiences and response has been very good, I must say!

Today, I will be telling Milo’s story. Milo is a 23 year old guy living in Malaysia, and an aspiring doctor who has already completed his medical degree. I will let his words do the talking now.

I am Milo, 23 years old HIV-positive gay guy living in Malaysia. This, however, would be the first time I’d be reaching out to you, in response to your call for your It Gets Better personal project for PLHIV.

I tested as HIV + middle of last year (when I was 22 years old). At that time, I was a final year medical student studying in KL, Malaysia. Prior to my positive result, I have tested negative twice before (up until a few months before my diagnosis). It was around April to May last year that I’d noticed I’d have multiple swollen lymph nodes around my neck area (what I now know was persistent generalized lymphadenopathy). I’d gone to the doctor at my university to run a few tests just to rule out whether I had any serious condition like lymphoma or whatnot. Only when my physician pried on the my sexual behavior, did it occur to me that I could have HIV. And so I agreed to have my blood taken for the test.

I guess because I’d tested twice negative for HIV, I thought the possibility of it coming out positive was quite low. Thinking back, after my last negative test results, I’d only have ONE sexual encounter with a stranger (a habit I now heavily regret), and I was dumb enough to proceed without protection. I guess the fact that I was a bottom did vastly increase my risk of getting infected. Nevertheless, the three days of waiting for results were still a torture on my soul. When the day came, I still was not prepared to accept a positive result. The moment I was told I’m poz, all I could manage was a huge gasp, and all I thought then was:” Fuck, I really did it this time,”. I proceeded to regain my composure, and ask him, what’s next? As I was almost completing my medical studies and going to enter the healthcare field, this diagnoses could have more complicating consequences. The following months have been full of struggles, but I have to thank my treating physicians for constantly reminding me that HIV is NOT a death sentence.

Now I have to also tell you I have been dating a guy for more than a year (then), but my boyfriend was then busy studying for his exams, so I’d figured it would be wise holding back the information from him until his exams were over. The gravity of the situation only sank in when I told my best girl friend (fag hag, whatever you want to call it), after I came out of the physician’s office. She sat firmly beside me, lending me a crying shoulder, as I went through the most agonizing week of my life, holding back the information from my other-half and pretending everything was fine and dandy. When his exams were over, I finally sat him down in his bedroom, and told him everything with a straight face. That was when I knew he was the person with whom I am going to spend the rest of my life. Understandably, his problem was more with my infidelity (I’d slept with the stranger from an online gay-dating website when he was away for a weekend) than my diagnosis. I was prepared for the worse, and I did tell him I would understand if he wants me out of his life. But only after less than one day of deliberation, he’d decided that he loves me too much to let me go, and his love would be a lie, if he abandoned me when I needed him the most. True to his words, he has been my main source of strength, for me to come to terms with my diagnosis.

Nevertheless, our relationship was definitely strained. He’d needed a gesture from me to show that I, too, am committed to the relationship as he is. To do that, we drove back to my hometown, and I came out to my parents about my sexuality, and our relationship, but I chose to withhold my diagnosis from them.

My parents did not take the news too well. It turned out to be a tearful affair, as they’d thought they were going to lose me. My mother simply does not approve of a gay son, and my dad.. after that just chose to ignore it and decided that he should bond more with me. I have a sister, who, unfortunately, is working in a faraway land, and therefore, quite unavailable. Till now, I still am deliberating whether I should disclose my diagnosis to them. It would break my parents’ hearts. But the only reason I could survive without telling my family, was because I had the moral support from my partner to get things together. With regards to this issue, my take is that you should make sure you have a support system in place, people you can trust to be there when you need it, and trust me, you need the support.

My support system mainly consisted of my partner in my now serodiscordant relationship, his sister (who turned out to be incredibly positive and supportive) and her boyfriend, and my fag hag. One year on, only these four people know about my diagnosis. I will possibly tell my parents, once my affairs are all in order, meaning, once I am financially independent.

I started ART relatively early. After reading on the pros and cons of early commencement of treatment, I am convinced that starting treatment early is the better option. I knew I have to live with taking pills for the rest of my life, but why not, if the pills could keep me from dying a horrible, premature death. 4 months after my diagnosis (6 months after contracting it, according to my calculation), my physician started me on TENVIR-EM and Stocrin. As I had sought help in the public healthcare system, fortunately for me, the government of Malaysia fully subsidizes the first line of HAART, and I have not needed to pay a single cent for my treatment so far. Half a year into commencement of HAART, my viral load was found to be undetectable, but CD4 count was still rather low.

I am currently applying for a job as a trainee doctor with the government, and I have, in good faith, declared my condition to the governing body of doctors, in hopes that they would still hire me, since I have an undetectable viral load. I am still nervously waiting for the results of my application. God knows what they will do with my application form. I can only pray the people up there still have an ounce of respect for patient confidentiality.

After all I’ve gone through this past year, I know I can count myself lucky, to still have a roof over my head, to still have a loving partner (despite souring ties with my parents), and to have free HAART. Still, my struggles continue, particularly, in searching for a job now that I have graduated. It’d be great to know that I’m not alone in this struggle (and I know I’m not alone). I am very interested to know any pozzies in the medical field who have faced/are facing the same dilemma as I am now.

I am on twitter as @milopozo . I follow a few pozzies in M’sia and SG. I don’t tweet much, but I do regularly check my feed, as it makes me feel like I’m not alone in this world. Although this sometimes makes me feel like the creep at the corner of the playground happy with just watching the rest of the kids play. So I figured this is sort of my coming-out story as well, and to the pozzies in M’sia (and SG), feel free to add me on twitter. I really wouldn’t mind making a few poz friends since I frankly have none.

Milo.

(POZboySG’s Ed note: If you’d like to send Milo words of encouragement or follow his tweets, you can find him at https://twitter.com/milopozo)

So love! <3

Sun, 19 May 2013 15:38:37 +0800

So love! <3

Hi Sir, First, thanks for this interactive means of doing an advocacy. Some of my curious questions remain 'personal' and almost intimate questions. Since I am currently working on coping mechanisms for PLHIV, how would you describe your present support system? What were the significant changes after being diagnosed positive in terms of this system? I would want a longer conversations. For now, that's it. Michael Geroche, Philippines/UPPI

Tue, 14 May 2013 23:47:52 +0800

Hello Michael,

Thank you for writing in, you’ve asked about how I’ve been coping with my HIV condition for the past few years. My answer is that I live a day at the time, & I am thankful for the sunrise I see every day. Also my activism & volunteering work with animal welfare organisations & human rights NGOs fulfils me. In a strange twist of fate, HIV has ignited my deepest passion for advocacy work & human rights so I might have to thank it (though it might seem very odd! LOL)

My support system consists of immediate family members (who know of my status) & I am required to update my day to day status, especially my Dad. He loves me very much & makes sure I email him weekly to update him (I live away from them). Also, I have a select group of friends who are also HIV positive & we regularly hang out for coffee & noms, & when circumstance does not permit, we keep in contact through WhatsApp chat. Technology is a wonderful thing!

When it comes to the issue of dealing with difficult social dynamics (be it at the office or in school), HIV has taught me to not pay too much attention to people who want to make your life difficult. Its best to forgive & forget. Sure, you will want to have a big argument with your ‘nemesis’, I do that too, but after I’ve let all my anger out, I ignore the cause of the problem & move. Let me quote Sweet Brown, “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FO DAT!”

Because ultimately, what you need time for is your health & wellbeing as a HIV+ person. Your health is important. Be happy always, don’t take things so seriously, always care & show empathy for your fellow living creatures & I’m pretty sure life will be smooth sailing ahead! :)

If you have any more questions, especially the private ones, feel free to email me at pozboysg@gmail.com Stay Safe!

"That individual who boldly and courageously asserts the will to love in the midst of a world of fear..."

Tue, 14 May 2013 23:30:16 +0800

“That individual who boldly and courageously asserts the will to love in the midst of a world of fear and hate, will create for [themself] and for those who love [them], a magic realm of serenity and peace.”

- Attributed to ‘Abdu’l-Bahá (via lgbtbahai)

kannamoochi: The Baha’i House of Worship - Wilmette,...

Tue, 14 May 2013 23:27:54 +0800

kannamoochi:

The Baha’i House of Worship - Wilmette, IL.

“All the World is but One Country, and Mankind, its Citizens” - Baha’ullah

We are all One & the Same. ASEAN. Can you spot your...

Tue, 14 May 2013 23:24:21 +0800

We are all One & the Same. ASEAN. Can you spot your nation’s flag?

Photo

Tue, 14 May 2013 22:37:31 +0800

Hi, I'm actually a female university student who has done some research on the Infectious Diseases Act and Part IV which has to do with control of transmission in Singapore. Knowing that HIV is also a notifiable disease, I would like to know just how invasive is the contact tracing process by MOH?

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 16:27:04 +0800

Hello there, thank you for writing in, when I was initially infected with HIV, I was sent to the National Public Health Unit and asked to provide the numbers of my previous sex partners. If I can recall, I only gave three phone numbers because at that point of time, I just changed my contact number and was *trying* to rid my self of my Village Bicycle past.

I’m sorry I can’t help you with how the Ministry of Health functions with regards to the contact tracing programme but all I hear is that they ar eprettu thorough with the process? They either send an non reply text message to said person OR a letter to the person’s residence.

If you have any more questions to ask me, feel free to email me at pozboysg@gmail.com . Stay Safe.

I would like to comment on the recent poster who identify himself as actively bisexual. First of all, the risk of getting HIV depends on the viral load of the person. Secondly, it depends on whether you are the top or the bottom person when in unsafe sex position. Top person have a lower risk of infection, in fact I would say most of the risk if for the bottom. Also I would really recommend that he go for the anonymous testing, fear is not an option if he wants to be sure.

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 20:02:41 +0800

Hello there again, good points from you. But always remember even if there is a diminished risk of infection if one is top, it is NOT zero risk. Proper precautions should always be endured. Stay Safe.

Hi there, I am not positive but my current partner and I would just like to take this to talk about my own situation so as to share it with others out there. However, I think the tumblr feed is a little short and I cannot format my writing properly. How I can send you a longer text?

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 19:57:24 +0800

Hello there, thank you for writing in. Glad to know your partner and you are a healthy couple. I am currently on a personal project aptly named “It Gets Better” which will focus on the HIV/AIDS issue in Singapore. My focus will be on HIV positive men and women living in Singapore and I speak to them and help tell my blogreaders their HIV story.

I work now so I generally don’t have much time to speak to these people in person so they usually email me their deets and I’d craft an article for them. You could do the same too, by emailing me at pozboysg@gmail.com . I can always do a feature story for you, looking at how it *might not* be related to HIV.

If you are interested to know more about my ongoing project, I do have a blogpost on it, feel free to check it out so you can have an inkling. http://tmblr.co/ZQNSdvXsMhNN

I hope you guys are well, Stay Safe and have a good weekend.

every heard of anyone tested hiv +sive during cmpb check up? do you know if they check for hiv during the check up before enlistment

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 19:42:32 +0800

Hello there, thank you for writing in. I have two friends who tested positive for HIV at their NS pre-enlistment FFI at the CMPB building, both were given either the choice to serve their National Service obligations or be exempted from it; which they then chose the latter.

Yes, the pre-enlistment FFI will test your blood type and for HIV. I hope this answers your query. Stay safe.

Hey POZboySG, Been POZ for 2 years now, I'm wondering where to get in touch with other poz through forums or chatrooms. Any suggestion?

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 19:39:23 +0800

Hello there, thank you for writing in, might I ask if you are currently on any followups with the doctor (at CDC/Singapore hospitals or abroad in BKK)? If you have not, please do so, its always imperative that we HIV positive individuals seek treatment, because we now know Treatment is Prevention. The lower your Viral Load in your body, the less likely you will accidentally infect your sex partners (assuming they are HIV negative).

At the moment in time, I keep in contact with a few friends who are poz just like me and we have dinner parties, supper adventures, and some random adventures together. I got to know these people from Project HOPE, a support group for PLHIV in Singapore and also through the HIV Orientation Programme conducted for newly diagnosed by Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH).

These programmes let you get to know other people who are living with the same condition as you, I’m sure that would give you a sense of comfort. But in order to join them, you sorta have to see a doctor at TTSH first and the Medical Social Worker will let you know more on the available programmes.

Alternatively, I have made friends (both HIV+ and HIV-) through the microblogging site, Twitter, you can find me at https://twitter.com/POZboySG

If you have more questions, feel free to email me at pozboysg@gmail.com I will try my best to answer your grouses and questions. Rest assure all correspondence will be in strict confidence. Stay safe, and have a good weekend ahead.

hey-itsdana: Zoe 3 by dmrankinphotography on Flickr. HELLO...

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 19:25:15 +0800

hey-itsdana:

Zoe 3 by dmrankinphotography on Flickr.

HELLO THURR <3

What do you recommend recently diagnosed HIV + people to take what supplements or any general health tips since they wont start HAART treatment until your cd4 drops below cd4. I heard selenium is quite effective ?

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 20:34:00 +0800

Hello there, thank you for writing in. As we all know, I am no doctor (well, Captain Obvious, LOL) but I can share with you the health supplements I take in addition to my daily ARV regimen.

I take Chlorella supplements (a vegan source of protein for my gym adventures), Evening Primrose oil or Cod Liver Oil (depending on month), Centrum Silver (the multivitamin but for OLD PEOPLE), Selenium tablets, Colostrum, and I pop a Melatonin tablet half an hour before bedtime since I’ve now weaned off sleeping pills (for the depression) given to me by my psych. I also drink a Yakult or Vitagen (probiotics) a day to help with my Kaletra-induced life long diarrhoea. I’ve come to accept that I will have to do this for as long as I live nowadays.

That’s more or less what I take, daily. I have to admit that sometimes I really get tired of popping so many damn pills that I skip my supplements for the day. Well, we all have our bad days yeah. Hah. But I never miss a day of my HIV meds. Those are ultimately the most important.

If you’d like to know more about what health supplements are good for PLHIV, this would be a good start for your reading adventure (http://www.thebody.com/content/art56659.html?getPage=1#intro). Well you don’t have to follow what it says to the fullest, but it might be a satisfactory guide, and also as a good to know.

Coming to your question about Selenium, here’s a little introduction on what the supplement really is about (http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/selenium-000325.htm) Apparently they say results are inconclusive, but in my own experience, my CD4 count rises dramatically when I am on daily supplements of this mineral, compared to when I am lazy to take them (I have results to refute this claim through my bloodwork but let’s keep that for another post).

All in all, I know that HIV+ individuals that have yet to begin their ARV treatments should always keep a healthy lifestyle, that means, all your activities in moderation! No more regular clubbing or parties, please keep them to a minimum. It is also good to wear a surgical face mask whenever you are out in public so you won’t get infected by sickly strangers who have zero social graces, and also always exercise and have a healthy diet.

I wish you well, Stay Safe!

Hi there. You are truly an inspiration. I fear being tested so much. Let me tell you my story. Maybe your words can sooth my irrational and stupid mind. I am an active bisexual, and I have a steady GF of 3 years. We are getting married soon. Before her, I had sex with a few guys.. not that many.. but all encounters were strictly with protection, except once. While I've never fallen ill (just the usually seasonal flu), I get unreasonably queasy everytime I think about HIV.

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 20:12:06 +0800

Hello there, thank you for writing in. I have one question to ask (sorry if I might sound er, bimbotic) but what is an active bisexual? If you have a steady girlfriend, doesn’t that make you an active monogamist instead?

Anyway please do not worry too much about this, I have to say that HIV transmission isn’t usually a one shot kill, odds of getting infected (in my opinion) is usually like winning a lottery.

In order to have a peace of mind, why don’t you go get tested? You can always go for an anonymous HIV test (the OraQuick sort) at the Anonymous Test Clinic on weekday evenings (click here: http://www.afa.org.sg/anonymous.php)

I understand the level of discomfort that you have to face every time you have to think about HIV and its consequences, but I have to advice you knowing that you are going to marry your fiancee, and in the near future, when she gets pregnant, she *would* have to take an HIV test as well. So why don’t you put your fears to rest and take the test on your own first?

Anyway, you are fine, lah. Don’t worry too much okay? Stay safe, always, and remember, once you are in holy matrimony with another soul, STAY FAITHFUL. :)

Hi POZboySG, I hoped that you can help me answer my questions. I am currently 42 & recently i got genital warts. The clinic doctor advised me to go for HIV tests. I don't dare to face the tests. 1) Should i go to Bangkok Hospital(which one) or Singapore Disease Centre for HIV tests? 2) If positive, will Singapore government notified your family or employer? 3) If positive, should i get medicine from Bangkok or Singapore? 4) can anyone apply for Medifund for the medicine? Please advice. Thanks.

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 20:52:38 +0800

Hello there, I am so sorry you are having to face this conundrum but I believe that its in your best interest for you to go get tested for HIV (and other Sexually Transmitted Infections). Its for your health, longevity, and of course peace of mind.

I know the possibility of having a positive result will be very daunting thought but I must assure you that HIV is no longer a death sentence it used to hold ransom to. There are many options to go get tested, and its really up to you to do the blood test, be it in Singapore (the DSC Clinic http://www.dsc-sexualhealth.com.sg/) or in Krung Thep Maha Nakhon. (For more information on the process & cost of treatment in Bangkok, you might want to read about Ben’s Experiences here http://tmblr.co/ZQNSdvYeAG_K)

If you are tested positive for HIV (I hope you are fine, though), the Singapore government has absolutely no right to notify your employer nor family member so please do not worry about this. If a HIV positive person decides to get his/her HIV medications in a Singapore pharmacy (like me), he/she is of course invited to apply for the Medifund scheme to help with the cost but I can assure you that 1st Line Medications are relatively affordable (between $70-$200 max).

I hope you are doing well. If you have more questions, you can email me at pozboysg@gmail.com and I can attend to you in strict confidence. Stay safe!

Hey, I'm down and I don't know who to turn to...

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 20:38:48 +0800

Hello there, I tried to answer your mail privately but scumbag Tumblr is being a bitch tonight, would you please email me at pozboysg@gmail.com so I can attend to you in strict confidence? Thank you.

I've learnt quite a handful of things about HIV/STDs from you and I thank you for your effort in educating people on the issues of HIV/STDs. I've a question that I wanted to ask you. You see, my boyfriend had said that he wanted to try bareback with me. As I know that it's always better to use a condom when having sex but I'm not sure if I wanted to risk it. Although both of our status are negative, I know that there are still risk of contacting STDs. Please advice me on how to deal with this.

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 20:47:25 +0800

Did you have to break the news of your status to your previous sex partners (protected or otherwise)? How did you do it and how did it go? (thanks for answering my last 2 questions, it helps a lot to have support)

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 20:43:07 +0800

"I thought it could never happen to me" - GC's Story featuring @Pozguysg19

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 20:50:00 +0800

GC is a 32 year old Singaporean male who has been living with HIV for the last three years, having been diagnosed positive for HIV aged 29. He is born and bred in Singapore and works in a local institution in medical research. I am honoured to tell you GC’s story, after discovering through my email and Twitter DM correspondence, that he had been my fellow HIV support groupmate all those years ago. It feels so good to finally be in contact with a group mate once more!

GC, not unlike many of us, had never taken a HIV test before in his life, having been totally monogamous through out his romantic history. He felt that there was actually no need to get tested, or use protection, being a serial monogamist who had been nothing but faithful to his partner. GC adds, “But I was wrong! So long as you have sex, it is your responsibility to get tested. Don’t push it to other people, that’s just being irresponsible!”

Unfortunately, GC was admitted to the hospital three years ago for a serious case of Pneumocystis Carinii Pneumonia (PCP), a HIV-related opportunistic infection, and it was only then that he got tested for HIV and the results came back positive. It was only after GC’s diagnosis that he found out that his 2nd ex-boyfriend had been sleeping around the one year they were together, and had unfortunately gotten infected. GC then surmises, “He never told me until I was so sick with PCP in the hospital that he finally admitted. I can only count my lucky stars that I didn’t infect my 3rd ex-boyfriend. I would have never forgiven myself if I had.”

GC is not unlike many of us HIV positive Singaporeans who have chosen to keep mum about their status, but fortunately, GC has close circle of friends who are very supportive and acknowledged the fact that they were the ones who really supported him in so many ways after being newly diagnosed. He, however, has chosen to not let his family members know, adding that he thinks his father suspects the condition. GC says that his parents are still coming to terms with his homosexuality, and believes that the HIV issue would just complicate matters. He adds, “I am not planning to tell them as I do not see the point of having more people worry for me.”

One can only imagine the immense pain and anguish GC has had to undergo during his brush with mortality due to the PCP infection and shock HIV diagnosis. He has been on First Line HIV antiretroviral medication ever since. His medications are Truvada (Tenofovir & Emtricitabine) and Stocrin (Efavirenz), taken as two pills every day. In the United States however, this drug cocktail is sold as a single tablet known as Atripla.

CDC pharmacy prices in Singapore for these medications are as such: Efavirenz (SGD $200) Tenofovir (SGD $550).

In order to save on cost, GC has however, opted to purchase his medications from generic HIV medication suppliers in Singapore who import them from Thailand, costing $130 a month for generic Truvada and $90 per month for generic Stocrin. His CDC doctor has also put him on a 6 month schedule and he spends about $120 on blood tests after government aid in the form of MediFund. Basically this works out to around $240 a month.

To help cope help cope & make sense of his medical condition, GC reads the two most informative HIV/AIDS resource websites on the Internet, namely www.thebody.com & www.aidsmap.com before adding, “some of my friends send me links to breakthroughs in HIV therapy. But during the initial period when I was trying to cope, I had to tell them to stop doing so. I guess I was like the ostrich with its head in the ground. I didn’t want to get reminded every minute that I am with this sickening condition. I needed desperately to feel normal again.”

GC also chronicles his life on Twitter as @pozguysg19. He enthuses thatit took himself around 2 years to finally feel like he was ready to face the world and adds, “When I was just diagnosed, I was told to go for this support group organised by the hospital. I guess at that time, when though I am not suicidal or anything, I felt disgusted with myself and I really didn’t want to be around people. I didn’t want to talk about it. Perhaps if I don’t talk about it, it will go away.” It was only sometime in 2012 where GC suddenly decided that this was not the way he wanted to live life as as HIV positive man.

He surmises, “I want to be happy, whatever that may take. And I guess sometimes happiness is really a decision, no one can really tell you to not be happy but yourself. Once I really believed in that, nothing can stop be and hence I started to reach out.”

Before we end GC’s courageous story, he hopes that by coming out in his own special way, on Twitter, he would be able to remove some of these uncertainties for people who are like himself & let them know that there is life after your HIV infection. GC also has a few words of advice for our readers especially those who are in limbo after testing positive for HIV, or are still in a conundrum whether to get tested or not, “If you are tested positive, remember this. Life goes on. And with current medication, it will go on for quite a while. As for how you want this life to go on, that is entirely up to you. I made my decision to be happy, and no one, and nothing, not even this cursed virus is going to stop that. Unless you really have some diagnosed mental condition, you can only be depressed if you let it be. I really believe in that. No one is in charge of your happiness, but you!”

I thank you for taking the time to read GC’s story.

(POZboy’s Ed Note - If you’d like to contact GC, you may do so by saying hi to him on Twitter, at @pozguysg19)